What do you most deeply long to experience in this lifetime?
Is it around creating a vibrant, passionate, loving relationship?
Giving your gifts in a big way and being paid well to do what you love?
Feeling at peace on a more regular basis instead of fighting depression, anxiety, overwhelm and exhaustion too much of the time?
Your longings are the voice of your soul calling you forth into greater and greater experience of yourself.
But what gets in the way over and over again of you actualizing your deepest desires and creating the life, love and career of your dreams? It might be your Inner Child.
Anytime you are not getting the results you want in life, your Inner Child is most likely involved.
Whenever we attempt to expand our lives in the realms of love, money, career, self expression or self actualization, some small but powerful part of us gets scared and throws up all kinds of really effective blocks to our growth.
I call that small, powerful part the Inner Child.
The Inner Child often makes itself known through uncomfortable feelings like depression or anxiety. It can be quite the expert at causing us to feel overwhelmed, exhausted and having no clue what to do next – and so we do nothing.
I have been experiencing a lot of expansion this year in my relationship and my business. Sometimes the new levels of intimacy, opportunity and travel freak out my Little Girl. She gets afraid of getting hurt, of not knowing what to do, of not being able to handle everything I have planned. When she gets activated I usually feel a combination of anxiety and overwhelm. That anxiety and overwhelm can stop me in my tracks and prevent me from living my life fully if I don’t attend to her and help her feel safe and loved.
Our Inner Children also get very activated in relationships and will often pick a fight as a way to try to discharge the uncomfortable feelings – a child’s way of trying to feel connected.
You know the old adage, “Negative attention is better than no attention.” It definitely applies to Inner Children.
Other times our Inner Children will cause us to flee, or run away from intimacy, as a way to try to stay safe. Body issues, fear of intimacy, fear of commitment, low sex drive, or sexually acting out are all connected to the Inner Child’s sense self worth. Control issues are totally the Inner Child’s specialty.
The Inner Child can manufacture a million different distractions from whatever we are really here to create – family crises, health crises, work crises, FB, email, housework, TV, sleep, food, you name it. Any time that we abandon our selves or our dreams, the Inner Child is in charge.
Anything that we have struggled with over and over in our lives is usually rooted in our childhood, adolescent and young adult experiences.
This is not really a problem – it is actually a very intelligent way that we humans are designed to maximize survival (by avoiding ‘danger’). We just have to know how to deal with these expressions of our Inner Children as they come up.
The solution to managing our Inner Children is not to try to get rid of them. It doesn’t work.
It also does not work to ignore, scold, shame, coddle, indulge or bargain with our Inner Children to get them to grow up, stop being afraid and quit messing things up.
Believe me, I have personally tried all of the above.
I have also seen hundreds of clients who have tried to make their Inner Children grow up and behave. It doesn’t work. Anytime we try to manipulate, control or otherwise not fully accept and love our Inner Children, they dig in their heels and activate more pain in our lives.
But then how do we move through the fears and obstacles of the Inner Child and go about creating vibrant healthy lives?
I know that sounds over-simplified and cheesy but I swear to you that its true.
I don’t talk about TRUTH with a capital T much because that is totally individual for every person. But it really has been my experience that love is what allows our Inner Children (i.e. our fears and limiting beliefs) to calm down and relax – which then allows us to re-engage in life.
I’ve experienced this truth first hand over and over. When I try to avoid or get rid of any uncomfortable feeling, it not only persists, it usually amplifies. When I take a few minutes to really allow it to be here, and yes, love it, it shifts, dissolves or gives me important information about myself. When it shifts, a new surge of creativity, inspiration or inner peace often arises in its place.
I’ve witnessed this truth with hundreds of clients, too. When we get present with our Inner Children and offer them love and compassion, they feel safe and seen then they relax. When that happens, amazing things become possible in people’s lives.
I am not going to tell you this is necessarily easy to do (until you know how to do it and get some practice at it, that is).
We are very, very accustomed to avoiding our feelings, shaming ourselves for our feelings, trying to control our feelings. So, of course, it takes practice to learn how to allow, feel and not judge our feelings as bad.
Plus, a lot of those feelings are so freaking uncomfortable, why in the world would we want to love them? Most of us want to KILL those feelings (and whatever little monster is causing us to feel them!).
Continuing to ignore, avoid or attempt to control our feelings just keeps the Inner Child in the driver’s seat of our lives – and creates childish outcomes.
I personally believe that the war within fuels all of our other self-destructive and planet-destroying behaviors. We cannot create peace in the world if we do not experience it within ourselves. We cannot treat our planet with absolute love and respect if we are not willing to absolutely love and respect ourselves.
My personal mission is to learn to love every single aspect of me – and my greatest joy is in serving and supporting others on the path to self love and self actualization.
We treat each other better and our planet better when we love ourselves first. We access way more of our latent brilliance when we stop wasting our energy on trying to not feel whatever we feel – which results in more people having the energy to give their greatest gifts.
That’s why I teach Freeing the Inner Child – my signature workshop in the SHIP series. I want you to have simple tools that are easy to use to help you LOVE those rascally Inner Children – so that you can be free to actualize your deepest desires around love, health, wealth, career, travel, service and personal development.
I have a hunch that you would create something awesome that the world needs!
What do you deeply desire to create in this lifetime? Please use the fields below to share your vision. We give power to our visions each time we talk about, write about or share them. My partner recently attended an event in which he had to share about his vision in small groups over and over thoughout the weekend. Now that he is back home I am AMAZED and how clear and powerful he sounds when he talks about his vision.
If you are aware that there are ways that your Inner Child is getting in the way of you living the life you know you are capable of – please be in touch. Email me and we will set up a time to chat about your dreams, the day to day results you’ve been getting and ways I could support you stepping into more of who you really are.
If you are interested in the Freeing Your Inner Child workshop, May 15-17, at Lake Doniphan Retreat Center, let me know asap. You save $100 if you register by this Friday, April 24.
In love and peace,
Passion and Purpose Coach
Founder of Shaman’s Heart Sanctuary
Master Facilitator of the Shamanic Breathwork Process™