Learning to Trust

Are you living in total trust this summer?  What would become possible for you if you could totally let go of fear, worry and doing things that are not really yours to do?  What if you could simply relax and have fun this summer, trusting that everything is working out for your highest good?

I recently said to the Universe, “I want to live in total trust. I want to totally relax in body, mind and spirit.  I want to let go and trust that I will be okay and that the Universe will support me, no matter what.  I’ll do my part.  I don’t plan to lie around eating bon-bons. But I’ll know exactly what is mine to do, have fun doing it, and trust the Universe to do the rest.”

Well, you know what happens when you tell the Universe that you want to live in trust?  The Universe says, “OK.  Here’s an opportunity to practice.”

This summer James and I are preparing to move our family to Lawrence, KS.  We’ve had a ton of work to do on his house to get it ready to put on the market – and you know how that goes, each project turns out to be way bigger than we realized.

We’ve also been driving an hour to Lawrence a few times a week to look for a house to rent in the incredibly tight housing market there.  We started looking for a house at the end of May – at which time several property management companies said to me that most of their contracts are signed by January 1st for August 1st move in dates and “would I like to be put on a waiting list to be called in December?”

I was like, “Are you kidding me?!”  They were not.

I have to admit, I started to panic a little.  The Fear Monster in my mind was saying, “OMG. What are we going to do? We’re not going to be able to find a house. We’re not going to be able to move this summer. Ryland is going to have to start school in Kansas City and then move in the middle of his first year of Jr. High. OMG! I can’t do that to him!” 

This is a perfect example of how the Shadow of FEAR (False Evidence Appearing Real) limits thinking and shuts down creativity.  My mind was going to black and white scenarios and wasting my energy on worry and fear. I became obsessed, scanning the rental listings several times a day and calling every property management company in Lawrence. I was definitely stressing myself out about it.

Then, about two weeks into the search, I suddenly remembered that I had just recently told the Universe that I wanted to live in trust.  And in that moment, I got it that this was my opportunity to practice trusting the Universe.

I wish I could tell you that I totally let go in that moment and didn’t worry about it for another second, but that would be a lie. 

I relaxed about it for chunks of each day. Then, often around 5 pm when my energy tends to lag, I would get worried and disheartened again. But a little voice voice in my head kept reminding me that this was my opportunity to trust the Universe. So I’d fret a bit and then eventually turn it over to the Universe again, affirming my vision for a three-bedroom, two bath house PLUS two offices (because we both work from home), or something better. 

The “something better” part is important.  I am well aware that my mind just about always puts unnecessary limitations onto things and that the Universe has way more good in mind for me than I usually allow myself to ask for. Calling in 3-bedrooms PLUS 2 offices was feeling like a lot for me. My Shadow of “That’s too much. You’re too much. You can’t ask for that much!” was definitely activated. So I did my Shadow work along the way, too, to help integrate the part of me that feels like I’m TOO MUCH.

A few weeks into this practice of trusting the Universe, getting freaked out, doing my Shadow work, and then holding the vision again, I realized that if the house had appeared right away, then I would not have needed to practice trusting – and then I still would not know how to let go and TRUST! When I realized that, a huge wave of gratitude came over me that the house had not yet appeared.

I thanked the Universe right then and there for NOT delivering the house right away and for giving me this opportunity to practice. I swear it got way easier after that point. Something in me really did let go and I knew our house would appear. I even knew that it would probably take several more weeks (which it did) so that I could practice trusting some more.

We finally found our house in July. It’s a big, old Victorian, walking distance to downtown Lawrence, with seven bedrooms (!), three bathrooms, a huge living room (big enough to host workshops), tons of closet space, and a rec room in the basement for our kids to hang out.  The Universe clearly had something better in mind for us. And I am so grateful that I got to practice trusting during the entire month of June.  It feels like a watershed month of my life and that this process is actually preparing me for something greater yet to come.

Because I have this longing to trust inside of me, I know that TRUST is the deeper truth of who I really am.  Trust has always been a part of me but it got pushed into the Shadows when I was young due to life circumstances.  It’s like I have a Shadow Zen Monk inside of me who already knows this about me – he’s trying to get me to remember this deeper truth of who I really am and live it.  Or maybe it’s my Shadow Pumba(from the Lion King) trying to teach me Akuna Matata – no worries!

What might the Universe might have in store for you if you could let go and trust more than you ever have in your life this summer?  What deeper, wiser, more creative and expansive parts of you got pushed into the Shadows?  What do you worry over that you would like to practice letting go of this summer?

Remember to be gentle with yourself in the process.  This is not about doing it perfectly – it’s just about remembering over and over again.  I’d love to hear about your experience.  Please share what you’re learning about trust on the Shaman’s Heart Facebook page so that as a global community we can all learn from each other and grow together.  Imagine what we could collectively create if we all trusted more!

If you are interested in learning how to move through the Shadows that come up in your life, consider joining us for Meeting Your Shadow, August 21-23 at Lake Doniphan Retreat Center, just 45 minutes north of Kansas City. 

People often think that the Shadow is all the “bad” parts of us – but frequently our joy, our creativity, our passion and our TRUST get pushed into the Shadows, along with our feelings, our sensuality, our power and our truth.

133Meeting Your Shadow

August 21 – 23, 2015

Lake Doniphan Retreat Center, Excelsior Springs, MO

Re-discover the unknown or unloved parts of yourself and reclaim your POWER so that you can:

• Experience more love, compassion and acceptance for yourself

• Speak your truth and share your authentic self in your relationships

• Boldly give your gifts and trust that YOU are exactly what is needed in the world

Early Bird discount is good through July 31st.  Shadow is often the most popular event of the year and half of the spaces in this workshop are already filled.  Please be in touch if you are ready to learn more about your Shadow and all the ways you can get your power back.

Click HERE for details.  Space is limited in this retreat and attendance is by application and interview only.   Email me if you are interested in joining us so we can set up an interview time.

Akuna Matata, baby!

Laura Wolf

Transformational Coach, Shamanic Guide

Founder of Shaman’s Heart Sanctuary


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